WONDERERS FAIL ON A MATTER OF PRINCIPAL
Hello all.
Hard to improve on Nick’s excellent match report, but perhaps just a few words to ease the obvious tension which lies behind the matter-of-fact reporting.
No sign
of a victory on the horizon yet but the Wonderers did have an A-League first. They WON the General Knowledge round. But there’s no denying that life in the top flight is slowly beginning to take its toll. Tomo was reduced to doing card tricks to cheer his team up. He’s a good lad even though he has troubles of his own. His one driving ambition, next to getting back into the B League, is to become the first magician to have his own show on the radio. Someone should tell him.
But it’s not all doom and gloom in the A League. The Wonderers had been told that it would be all a bit serious and anoraky and there was absolutely no fun or levity. Not True! Alan Levity was there himself, playing for the Principals! After the match I called the team to one side and gave them a little bit of advice. I know it’s probably not right and proper for an independent sports writer to try to help a struggling team but I told them that if they couldn’t beat the opposition by answering questions they should think of other ways of wearing them down.
I seriously advise trying to upset the other team in subtle ways that will put them off their stride and make them fluff their questions. For instance, one of the opposition team dropped his pen and quickly bent down to pick it up. Now to me, this is diving, and it is unforgivable. An appeal should be made to the question master and ten points deducted from that team’s total. Another of the guys took his sweater off. Again, that’s the same as a footballer ripping his shirt off to celebrate a goal, so another ten points should be deducted. Get wise Wonderers!
As these persistent defeats are getting a bit boring for an ace reporter I decided, by way of a diversion, to go in search of Macclesfield’s oldest quizzer. This turned out to be Billy Prattlefaggit of Higher Hurdsfield who is well into his 90s and claims that ICI had a quiz team back in the 1950s when they were just a small firm selling firewood off the Hurdsfield Estate. Billy sends the following goodwill message to all members of the Macclesfield Quiz League.
“Those were the days…. no crappy questions about SI units and State capitals. We used to get proper questions, like how many Boddington’s houses were there in Bollington and which bitch won best in show at Sutton Fair…. these days the buggers don’t know anything. I asked one of the quiz guys in the George and Dragon what a Royal Enfield was and he said it was where the Queen kept her chickens. Well, never mind, the old days won’t come back. I’m very old now. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia, poor circulation and I can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92 and I’ve lost all my friends.
But thank God I still have my driver's license.”
Thanks for sharing that with us Billy.
So come on Wonderers. Start thinking or you’ll be as old as Billy before you win your next match. In the meantime, in case you get a round on medical terminology, here is some handy stuff to bone up on. So no excuses for the next league match!
Duncan.
ARTERY The study of paintings
BACTERIA Back door of a cafeteria
BARIUM What doctors do when patients die
CAUTERISE Made eye contact with her
COMA A punctuation mark
CEASARIAN SECTION A neighbourhood in Rome
DILATE You live longer
ENEMA Not a friend
FESTER Quicken
FIBULA A small lie
GENITAL Not a Jew
IMPOTENT Distinguished, well known
LABOUR PAIN Getting hurt at work
MEDICAL STAFF Doctor's walking stick
MORBID A higher offer
NITRATE Cheaper than day rates
NODE Was aware of
OUT PATIENT A person who has fainted
PAP SMEAR A fatherhood test
PELVIS A cousin of Elvis
RECOVERY ROOM Place to do upholstery
SECRETION Hiding something
SEIZURE Roman Emperor
TERMINAL ILLNESS Getting sick at the airport
TUMOUR More than one
URINE Opposite of 'you're out'
VARICOSE Nearby
VEIN Conceited
Hello all.
Hard to improve on Nick’s excellent match report, but perhaps just a few words to ease the obvious tension which lies behind the matter-of-fact reporting.
No sign
of a victory on the horizon yet but the Wonderers did have an A-League first. They WON the General Knowledge round. But there’s no denying that life in the top flight is slowly beginning to take its toll. Tomo was reduced to doing card tricks to cheer his team up. He’s a good lad even though he has troubles of his own. His one driving ambition, next to getting back into the B League, is to become the first magician to have his own show on the radio. Someone should tell him.But it’s not all doom and gloom in the A League. The Wonderers had been told that it would be all a bit serious and anoraky and there was absolutely no fun or levity. Not True! Alan Levity was there himself, playing for the Principals! After the match I called the team to one side and gave them a little bit of advice. I know it’s probably not right and proper for an independent sports writer to try to help a struggling team but I told them that if they couldn’t beat the opposition by answering questions they should think of other ways of wearing them down.
I seriously advise trying to upset the other team in subtle ways that will put them off their stride and make them fluff their questions. For instance, one of the opposition team dropped his pen and quickly bent down to pick it up. Now to me, this is diving, and it is unforgivable. An appeal should be made to the question master and ten points deducted from that team’s total. Another of the guys took his sweater off. Again, that’s the same as a footballer ripping his shirt off to celebrate a goal, so another ten points should be deducted. Get wise Wonderers!
As these persistent defeats are getting a bit boring for an ace reporter I decided, by way of a diversion, to go in search of Macclesfield’s oldest quizzer. This turned out to be Billy Prattlefaggit of Higher Hurdsfield who is well into his 90s and claims that ICI had a quiz team back in the 1950s when they were just a small firm selling firewood off the Hurdsfield Estate. Billy sends the following goodwill message to all members of the Macclesfield Quiz League.
“Those were the days…. no crappy questions about SI units and State capitals. We used to get proper questions, like how many Boddington’s houses were there in Bollington and which bitch won best in show at Sutton Fair…. these days the buggers don’t know anything. I asked one of the quiz guys in the George and Dragon what a Royal Enfield was and he said it was where the Queen kept her chickens. Well, never mind, the old days won’t come back. I’m very old now. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia, poor circulation and I can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92 and I’ve lost all my friends.
But thank God I still have my driver's license.”
Thanks for sharing that with us Billy.
So come on Wonderers. Start thinking or you’ll be as old as Billy before you win your next match. In the meantime, in case you get a round on medical terminology, here is some handy stuff to bone up on. So no excuses for the next league match!
Duncan.
ARTERY The study of paintings
BACTERIA Back door of a cafeteria
BARIUM What doctors do when patients die
CAUTERISE Made eye contact with her
COMA A punctuation mark
CEASARIAN SECTION A neighbourhood in Rome
DILATE You live longer
ENEMA Not a friend
FESTER Quicken
FIBULA A small lie
GENITAL Not a Jew
IMPOTENT Distinguished, well known
LABOUR PAIN Getting hurt at work
MEDICAL STAFF Doctor's walking stick
MORBID A higher offer
NITRATE Cheaper than day rates
NODE Was aware of
OUT PATIENT A person who has fainted
PAP SMEAR A fatherhood test
PELVIS A cousin of Elvis
RECOVERY ROOM Place to do upholstery
SECRETION Hiding something
SEIZURE Roman Emperor
TERMINAL ILLNESS Getting sick at the airport
TUMOUR More than one
URINE Opposite of 'you're out'
VARICOSE Nearby
VEIN Conceited
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