Well, the half way stage of the season has come and gone and still the Wonderers haven’t a point to show for their efforts. Last week’s display at the Dolphin reached an all time low when Bob got the question “what kind of animal is a Red Poll”. Misty-eyed he remembered the days when he would look at the farm entrance next to his sister’s house and see the sign “THE LONGDENDALE HERD OF PEDIGREE ATTESTED RED POLLS”. Imagine the poor man’s feelings when he was informed that it was a bleedin’ parrot. Things then went from bad to worse. Nick got a question in a round called “Name the Dead Person” or something – “A famous Lancashire contralto singer” etc. The answer should have been Kathleen Ferrier. What readers need to know is that Bob founded the Kathleen Ferrier Society. This is an international Society. This is the Society that runs the country’s main bursary competition for undergraduate singers. Bob is the CHAIRMAN of the Kathleen Ferrier Society. Nick answered Joan Sutherland, who was (a) not a contralto, (b) not from Lancashire, and (c) not even English, and (d) still alive for all I know. Bob met this slap in the face with typical Biggles fortitude. His bottom lip trembled slightly, and that was that. Nice to see that Nick came clean in his report.
Typical of the good soul that he is, Bob has not even mentioned it to the rest of the team.
Nick was suitably mortified and vanished to Wales for a winter break. I don’t blame him. I hate bad weather, and coming out once more to report another defeat is so wearying and not doing my professional career any good. Last time I sent a report in the gales were at their height. I left the house and went to the car only to be met by the farmer who lives nearby. He told me that it was so windy that one of his hens had laid the same egg three times. When I parked up in Waters Green I got out of the car and saw what I thought was a rubber glove quivering in the road. It was, in actual fact, a dog that had blown inside out. Anyway, Tuesday was no exception. They lost again. Tracy and Brian had gone on holiday, obviously to escape the humiliation of hosting the only two teams in the Macclesfield Quiz League without a point between them. They all did their best but nothing was coming across the table to them. No crumbs from the poor man’s table. The opposition was kind to the Wonderers and didn’t giggle too much. I hear that their captain, Mark, a leading light of the Quiz League organisers, is a law enforcement officer of some kind. Perhaps he should disband his team, hand all their points to the Waters Green Wonderers and tackle some of the crime I am hearing about at down at the Pig and Ball Bearing in Rainow.
I heard that thieves had actually broken into the Macclesfield POLICE STATION and stole the toilet seat! The police say that they have nothing to go on. Also, a gang of thieves were being sought for breaking into the pharmacy at Tytherington and stealing 48 bottles of California Syrup of Figs. Police are looking for three men on the run, and the public are advised not to ‘have-a-go’ unless they are wearing their wellies.
All this is so depressing.
Never mind, cheer up everybody and remember, space isn’t remote; It’s only an hours drive if you go straight up.
Duncan Disorderley
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