Cup & Plate Round 3 26th February

Buoyant from last week's result (we didn't lose!) we swaggered confidently into the Tavern - everything was going for us: the full team, playing on home ground. Just one thing stood between us and moving on to the next round - The Dolphin from the A League. Hmmm.

The questions we thought were quite good (see link at right) and it is interesting to look at the scores round by round:

Round 1 The Dolphin 12, Wonderers 15
Round 2 The Dolphin 22 Wonderers 4
Round 3 The Dolphin 14, Wonderers 17
Round 4 The Dolphin 23 Wonderers 8
Round 5 The Dolphin 16 Wonderers 11
Round 6 The Dolphin 24, Wonderers 7

So in fact whilst the final score of 111 to 62 looks pretty damning, in fact the Wonderers won 2 of the six rounds which is quite creditable.

So we can now look forward to having a couple of Tuesdays off (subject to being question masters) - every cloud ....

The Dolphin were worthy winners and we wish them luck in the next round of the Cup.

19th Feb At Least We Didn't Lose

At home to The Three Crowns and back to our full strength with Wendy's return. Wendy, looking tanned, calm and confident after her holiday, was anxious to get stuck in and re-energise the team.The Specialist Questions were set by the George and Dragon and were challenging, wide-ranging, well-balanced and enjoyable. At the end of the Specialist the Wonderers were a nose in front with 56 to 47.

It was then the General Knowledge questions set by the Park Tavern; these highlighted the need for proper preparation - apparently they were not shown to the George & Dragon for vetting until 6:30 Monday night - far too late to make any changes; there were sloppy answers, errors (see for example question 44) and repeats that would have been weeded out had the G&D had a chance to vet them and far too many date questions with no leeway. With the notable exception of Tomo who seems to be on a roll they did not fall well for the Wonderers who saw their slender lead eaten away until the teams finished level on 118 each. Still no win for the Wonderers.

Individual scores Bob 6/9, Wendy 9/6, Nick 12/3 and Tomo 9/15; 22 points were gained from conferring and 21 from passovers.

A great comeback by the G&D and obviously Wendy will have to try harder!

And another thing ... I mentioned a couple of week ago comments the questions have elicited from distant parts; imagine my surprise when I stumbled across a San Francisco website that publishes the whole of this blog and parts of News & Views as comments!! The website can be found at http://technorati.com/blogs/nicksquiz.blogspot.com.

The evening finished with a fabulous supper of chips, sausage and onion gravy wrth bread & butter.

Just have to beat The Dolphin next week to stride forward to the next round of the cup. Maybe they'll be intimadated by the Californian website.

12TH FEBRUARY - QUESTIONMASTERS AGAIN

Since we were asking the questions set by The Dolphin there is not a great deal to report, but we can however supplement some remarks in last weeks posting. Tomo's remarkable score of 39 last week was the highest score in any of the Leagues - congratulations Tomo!! And yet we still lost!!

And a glance at News and Views (link on right) shows that the George and Dragon (to whom we lost) on actual points (i.e. not League points) scored this season would expect to be much higher in the table than they actually are - only two teams have scored more!!

Last week's Specialist questions as expected rated very badly in the question setters trophy.

Since we did not play this week we will slip down in the League and although we will then have a game in hand our chances for the hoped-for promotion are now very slim.

This week's questions were generally highly thought of and scored well.

Shrove (or should it be Shafted?) Tuesday

Away to the George & Dragon, a pub with a long history (at one time it was a school!) nestled above the town in Higher Hurdsfield. Their quiz team is a buoyant and laid-back group that has survived the crises and vicissitudes the pub has suffered in the past couple of years, and it is good to see it has now settled down.

The specialist questions had been set by The Albion, the lair of well-known quizzer Paul Beard (veteran of TV quizzes although his departure was sometimes rather premature) whose individual stamp was immediately recognised on the questions. They can be viewed by clicking on the link at right - a quick glance at the markings from other teams suggests that they will not be taking the question-master's trophy this year. There seems little point in asking questions with the hope that no-one will be able to answer them. Three rounds from the end, Nick had to be restrained from slitting his wrists.

The General Knowledge were set by the Harrington Academicals and were much better although at times it did seem that their fellow setters had influcenced them.

At the end of the Specialist, the Wonderers were just one point behind and looking forward to overtaking the home team with a better set of questions.

The Wonderers were once again without Wendy and again Eric stepped into the breech playing a strong game in the conferred questions, but it was not to be. Tomo played a great game scoring 15/24, Bob 9/6 and Nick 6/6 with conferred and passed over points being 7/3 and 16/10 - the home team gave little away.

The Wonderers were not even consistent - although they have lost the last few games, it has been by just a handful of points - this time they were trounced! The G&D on the other hand were not consistent either - it was their first win of the season! But no compalints - the home team's questions were as bad as the vsitors' - they were just better at answering them. A tough game and a worthy win by the G&D.

The final score was 118 to 102 after a game played with good humour, and spirits were lifted with a great spicy chillie con carne provided by the landlord.

29th January .- Looks Like We Peaked Too Soon

Away to The Plough, another long-standing team well-known to the Wonderers, now settled in at The Plough after some years as the Cricket Club.

The questions were well thought-out by The British Flag and newcomers to the League The Knot at Rushton, compiling their first set of questions.

If there is any criticism it is that some of the questions were too long! Once again, Nick's shocking memory for names was displayed when he was asked question 5 of round 8; at the beginning of the question he knew it was Kurt Waldheim, but by the time the question master had come to the end he'd forgotten it!!

The Wonderers were missing Wendy but Eric came along as substitute and played a strong game particularly on conferred questions. But the Wonderers seem to have peaked too early in the season, once again trailing by 6 points at the end of the specialist rounds (45/39); they battled back in the General Knowledge but only managed to claw back 4 points eventually losing by 2 points, 110 to 108. It is interesting that conferred and passed over points were very high (Specialist 13/2, General Knowledge 19/11) without which there would have been a much greater gap between us. Individual scores were Bob 9/12, Eric 3/3, Nick 3/12 and Tomo 9/12.

By way of compensation, or perhaps it's just spite, Nick can report an error in one of the answers to the previous round of the Cup/Plate, (Q118) about the birthplace of Mother Teresa; several people had challenged the given answer Yugoslovia (Nick added Skopje when he published the questions). She was born in 1910 but the kingdom of Yugoslavia was not formed until after WW1 in 1918.

And finally, it's surprising that our questions are provoking comments from all over the world - in particular see the comments for the questions of 7 March but also 21 and 27 November.

Excellent refreshments were provided at the end of a good-humoured and hard-fought game.

22nd Jan - Cup Game

Once again we faced the Harrington Arms - this time their B team in the Cup. Found them as friendly as the Academicals, played with good spirit with many laughs in a very close but enjoyable game.

The questions were tough but fairly balanced and the Wonderers were lucky to scrape through just 1 point clear after a great rally by the visitors. Final score 80 to 79.

Brian again had cooked one of his wonderful hams for refreshments and it was a most enjoyable evening.

15th Jan - Home to The Harrington Academicals

The Harrington is a wonderful old pub (until recently part of a working farm) frequently described as "The best pub in Cheshire". It is in the village of Gawsworth just outside Macclesfield. The team are well-known to us as a friendly bunch with a similar approach to the Wonderers - that a quiz night is fun.

However, they pulled no punches in last night's game dealing a blow to our promotion ambitions. We had had a shock earlier in the day when Wendy fell ill and were very lucky to be able to get Steve to cover for her. The specialist questions we thought were very good with a lot of thought having been put into them - in particular, the history picture round where we were shown a series of cartoons and had to identify the event in 2007. Even so we were trailing when the General Knowledge rounds started.

These however were very different: many seemd to based on the premise "They won't get this, ha ha!!"; several questions had been asked in recent quizzes; and again they were lop-sided with an easy question frequently being followed by an obscure one. Judge for yourself by following the link at right.

Having had a chance to read all the questions again, I now think this judgement is too harsh. Sorry.

The Wonderers played cautiously again hampered by Nick's failing memory (couldn't remember the title of "The Grapes of Wrath"!! He tried to cover this up with a joke from Alan Sherman -see end of this entry) and there were no high scorers. Bob 15/6, Steve 9/12, Nick 6/9 and Tomo 9/12. Conferred questions raised another 19 points but the Academicals passed little over and only 14 points were gained from their questions.

It was a game played with good spirit, won by a very good team and rounded off with an excellent spread of sandwiches in particular the ham cooked by landlord Brian only that morning.


With thanks to Alan Sherman:

The Ballad Of Harry Lewis(Parody of "The Battle Hymn Of The Republic")

I'm singing you the ballad
Of a great man of the cloth
His name was Harry Lewis
And he worked for Irving Roth
He died while cutting velvet
On a hot July the 4th
But his cloth goes shining on

Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
His cloth goes shining on

Oh Harry Lewis perished
In the service of his Lord
He was trampling through the warehouse
Where the drapes of Roth are stored
He had the finest funeral
The union could afford
And his cloth goes shining on

Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
His cloth goes shining on

Although a fire was raging
Harry stood by his machine
And when the firemen broke in
They discovered him between
A pile of roasted Dacron
And some french fried gabardine
His cloth goes shining on

Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
His cloth goes shining on

Away to The Baths

The Baths is an old Victorian pub (built 1875) standing silent testament to the old municipal baths that stood around the corner (now council offices). One of the few local pubs left in the town The Baths is known as a real ale pub.

The quiz team are well known to us as they moved from The Beehive following changes there - a very friendly bunch and good fun.

The Wonderers were jaded following their first defeat just before Christmas and the excesses of the holiday period and began cautiously - so much so that at the end of the specialist rounds they were trailing by 9 points and looking decidedly shaky. However they rallied in the General Knowledge round eventually slipping into the lead very late and scraping a close win with 115 to 111.

We were very impressed with the questions which were out of the ordinary and even the mandatory specialist had a novel twist - very different from run of the mill questions. In fact the Wonderers would not have won had there been none of the classical music questions.

Scores were not high except for Bob with 9/24, Wendy 6/9, Nick 3/9 and Tomo 15/9. And again the strength of the team in conferring is illustrated with 23 points and 18 passovers.

A most enjoyable evening ended with a fine selection of sandwiches - thankyou The Baths.

Another Bruiser

Tuesday 11th December, a home game against old adversaries The Cock . This was another game in which points were traded blow for blow; the Wonderers got off to a poor start and at the end of the Specialist were trailing by 15 points and were making desperate attempts to catch up for the rest of the evening. They were not helped by Nick's familiar problem with names, when he had a clear image of Andy Warhol in his mind and blurted out Hockney!!!

The questions were pretty good, but although we generally avoid whinging about balance we did think that they were rather lop-sided, especially in the General Knowledge where repeatedly a very easy question was followed by a much more difficult one - readers can judge for themselves from the link on the right.

Scores were not high with the exception of Bob who played a captain's game with 9/21, Wendy (6/12), Nick (0/18), and Tomo (6/12) all scoring 18.

Conferred points were high with 13 and 12 respectively, but very little was passed over with the Wonderers picking up just 6 and 5 from the two sets of questions.

The final score was 120 to the Wonderers and 123 to the Cock - a well-deserved win and a good well-fought game.

There is now a three-week rest for the Wonderers to lick their wounds and prepare for the second half of the season.

The British Flag 4th December

The British Flag is a Robinson's pub, well known for keeping its somewhat temperamental beer in top condition.

The Wonderers knew this was going to be a tough one - the Flag were unbeaten and have always been tough adversaries. No-one however expected it to be such a hard slug-it-out game. Very little was given away and the questions covered a very wide spectrum each point being fought for vigorously.

There seems to be an equally tough battle at the Ox-fford to get the Cars & Vans 4 U trophy for question setting - an outstanding set of questions were provided by the Ox-Fford C team that made for a thoroughly enjoyable evening, ably assisted by Jackie Hulme from The Cock as question master.

We send our condolences to the landlord of the Flag as a bereavement meant they were unable to be in attendance, but Nick and Bob managed to scramble back to the Tavern in time to nick some chip and sausage butties from their sister team.

The final score was 146 to the Wonderers, 143 to the Flag, individual scores being Bob 12/12, Wendy 9/24, Nick 9/21 and Tomo 9/15. In the specialist, the Wonderers picked up 11 conferred points and just 8 passed over. In the general knowledge rounds another 11 points were conferred with just 5 passed over; very little given away by either side!

The Cup - Sutton Church House

The first round of the Cup we played at the Sutton Church house, despite Nick sending out a note to the team that we would be playing at The Lamb - fortunately this was spotted in time (although Wendy had to get out of the bath to answer the urgent phone call!). The regular team is shown on their home turf.

The Church House is a very pleasant pub with 3 mainstream real ales, and the home team a very jolly lot.

The Wonderers got off to a very slow start, principally because the questions were badly balanced, but made up ground as the questions veered erratically with bias towards one team then the other (see the link at right). The questions were quite good but there were some pretty obvious ones (Northern Rock!). The eventual score was 96 to the Wonderers and 74 to the Church House.

The pleasant evening was rounded off with a good selection of sandwiches and chips.

20th November- Home to The Lamb

The lamb is a familiar team that we have played before, under their old guise The Sutton Club - they have crossed the road to The Lamb.

There was some anxiety that we would not have a full team and would need to play a beer mat (since ashtrays are no longer acceptable) but the vagaries of terms of employment for the Council meant Steve was able to cover for Wendy despite the original bleak forecast.

We started the evening in the rather surprising position of second in the League with a game in hand but did not allow ourselves to fall into a false sense of security.

This was fortunate as it was a very low-scoring game, with a lot of criticism of both sets of questions - as if the guiding principle had been "They won't get this one". They can be viewed from the link at right.

However, we did manage to finish in front with a final score of 125 to 99. Individual scores were Bob 6/6, Tomo 15/12, Nick 3/9 and Steve 9/24 - all below average scores. We also managed to scrape up 16 conferrred and 25 passovers.

Steve played a great game as reserve, but we're a bit worried about Tomo - his in-depth knowledge of daytime TV and board games suggest that he should get out more - but if he did we wouldn't win so often.

The brightest spot of the evening was a wonderful tray of sausages and onions with chips and bread and butter - grateful thanks to Brian and Tracey.

The Wonderers also felt that a reminder is due to the questionmasters about the time allowed to answer.

The Three Crowns

For the second game of the season we went to the Holt's pub The Three Crowns where we played familiar faces in an unfamiliar setting - the team recently moved from the St Dunstan.

The questions, set by the New Castle, were rather different and had some quite original rounds in the Specialist subjects. Both teams gave good marks for content and balance. See the link on the right.

The Wonderers managed to maintain their 100% record despite the liability of Nick's memory (among other things he could not remember the name Stephen King!!) - a fact reflected in the scores:

Bob 30, Wendy 24, Nick 18 (!!) and Tomo a very creditable 33. Points from passovers were 5 and 15 for the two rounds, and conferred points (mainly from Nick) 10 and 18. The final score was 153 to 114.

It was a thoroughly enjoyable evening played with humour and good spirit and rounded off with a fine selection of sandwiches.

6th November Questionmasters

The second week of the season and the Wonderers are sitting proudly at the top of the B League - but not for long. This week they were the questionmasters for the B League team and set the specialist questions; General Knowledge questions were set by the Puss Artists. This was particularly difficult with only 2 weeks notice but heroic efforts by Tomo meant we met the deadline and the questions were delivered on time in neatly sealed envelopes. Fortunately Bob and Wendy had transport and were able to venture out into the wilds of Cheshire and cover the distant pubs in Gawsworth (the unforgettable Harrington Arms) and Sutton (The Lamb - a new venue for the Sutton Social Club team). In fact both sets of questions were very well received and got favourable marks by the teams. They can be viewed by clicking on the link at right.

Well, we now have a game in hand that will mask positions until the half-way mark.

October 30th - 1st Game of the Season

At last the season starts - and the first game is against the George & Dragon - a team that over the years the Wonderers have come to regard as their bete noir.

Steve had managed to rearrange his shifts and covered for Nick with Bob, Wendy and Tomo.

They had obviously recovered from losing the Plate Final as they stormed out from the beginning and ended with a remarkable win of 167 to 145 - all four members of the team scoring 30 or over (Steve 39, Wendy 36, Bob 33 and Tomo 30). And the George and Dragon scored highly too.

The questions were very highly rated and the Wonderers look forward to this season with confidence.

The questions can be viewed by following the link on the right.

At Last - The Final

The seconds are out, the gloves are off and the pints are pulled. Yes, it is the final of the Plate!!
The Wonderers felt somewhat apprehensive with memories of last year’s final when they lost on a tie-breaker – they needn’t have worried as history was not to repeat itself.
Question Master Rick Davies introduced the teams pointing out that this was the first smoke-free game ever in the Macclesfield Pub Quiz League, a point welcomed by many in attendance.
Sadly the fresh air seems to have fuddled the Wonderers and at the end of the first 20 questions they were some 15 points adrift. Subsequent rounds showed signs of a fight-back but by the end of the quiz they were still some 8 points behind.
Their opponents the Puss Artists were a very powerful team who played well and with good spirit – worthy winners indeed.
Special mention must be made of Rick Davies who was an excellent Question Master with a light tone but firm decisions. Thanks also to the Sutton Club and Harrington B teams who set the questions.
A most enjoyable evening with the Wonderers once again catching the bride’s bouquet.

Relegation Party

As the long wet summer dragged along, Tuesday nights saw a strange phenomenon in the streets of Macclesfield. Individuals in woolly cardigans, sandals and a profusion of face hair shuffled along the streets looking puzzled and confused. What has happened to the quiz nights?

Even the Wonderers were affected by this strange malady and to break the gloom Nick arranged to have a party to celebrate relegation to the B League where we rightfully belong.

Spirits were lifted (by the glass as well as morally) despite a rainy start to the day but mercifully there was a break in the clouds and we could all sit outside and join in with Steve's songs and marvel at Tomo's conjuring and mind-reading.

The team and reserves were all present along with Mark from Maliwan's Thai restaurant, Brian the landlord of the Waters Green Tavern with Anne, and some neighbours anf former colleagues of Nick. They were later joined by an intrepid group of walkers from the Greenwalks group, another Tavern-based organisation that focuses on public transport in its monthly walks. They seemed glad to have something to eat.

Roll on the final of the Plate.

End of the Season

Although the Wonderers played their last League game of the season, there was still one important event before the close of the season - the final of the Cup knock-out competition between the two teams from The Dolphin.

I will leave it to our highly regarded secretary Mark to sum up the evening and announce the various trophies, and would like to take this opportunity to thank him for a magnificent season's work, and for all his asistance on the occasions we have requested it. He does a truly great job.

"Folks,

Many thanks to all who attended the Finals Night last night. There was an excellent turn-out, the Cup Final was a very closely contested affair and the butties were very welcome too. I have only a small number of trophies left in my possession; I will contact the winners separately.

In respect of the Cup, the Dolphin beat the Dolphin Dragons 114 – 98. Congratulations to all concerned.

Thanks also to Rick Davis and Allan Sherratt for asking the questions and scoring respectively – much appreciated, your fine efforts added to the night’s entertainment as always.

We also presented a Special Award to Alan Hodgson from the Dolphin for his unique 60 out of 60 all the way back in Week 1. We might have set a precedent now, but as it is the first time in over 20 years it has happened, we shouldn’t be breaking the bank just yet.

Alan – well done indeed.

I have attached to this message the following:-

All the scores from the last week of games, Week 18
Final League Tables and Individual Scores for A, B and C Leagues
Final Cars and Vans 4U Ltd Question Setters Trophy scores
Cup Final questions from last night.

Every team has indicated to me they want to carry on next season and it would be good to find a couple more if anyone has any suggestions. Now would be a good time for any new people interested to perhaps “try out” a set of questions in a game against another team. I would be more than willing to supply a “hand-picked” set of questions if anyone wanted one!

The final trophy of this year will be settled at the start of next season as usual. The Plate Final will be: -

Puss Artists v Waters Green Wonderers

This game will be played at the AGM before the start of next season, sometime in September / early October, date and place to be confirmed.

The Sutton Club and the Harrington ‘B’ will assemble questions for this game from those not used for the Cup Final and I have handed all the material to the Sutton Club last night.

If I don’t see you before we start again, have a great summer and I will be in touch.

Regards,

Mark"

The questions for the final can be viewed by clicking on the link o the right.

So we start the next season as we did this - with the final of the Plate!!

Last Game of the Season - and a Champion Discovered

The last game of a most enjoyable season was at the Ox-Fford against the Oxfford C team (in name only!) and from the ashes of relegation arose the phoenix of a champion in our midst.

Having answered a very difficult question for 3 points (see Q60 in the General Knowledge questions from the link on the right) Wendy disclosed that she was the 1969 northern counties champion of tiddlywinks!! What a way to finish the season!!

It was an excellent game with characteristic humour, fun and beer and an outstanding set of questions from the Principals with a finishing score of 158 to 138 to the Ox Fford C.

Individual scores were:

Bob 12/15, Wendy 9/15. Nick 12/18 and Tomo 12/15. Conferred points were 21 with 9 passed over, whereas the Oxfford had 24 and 17 respectively.

We've thoroughy enjoyed our season in the A League and very much hope we can return at the end of next season.

Thankyou the Oxfford C and all the other teams for giving us a great season.

3rd April - We Didn't Lose!

Well at least we didn't lose last night, helped considerably by the fact that we didn't play, having set the questions and aksing them at the three A League venues.

Just one game left now to wind up a most enjoyable season in the A League.

3rd April - We Didn't Lose!

Well at least we didn't lose last night, helped considerably by the fact that we didn't play, having set the questions and aksing them at the three A League venues.

Just one game left now to wind up a most enjoyable season in the A League.

Plate Semi-Final

At home to the Sutton Club!

Inspired by the team's recent performance, Bob set off on a long-distance walking holiday - obviously the pressure's getting to him. His place was taken by Tony who is our regular reserve and always plays a great game.

So this was it - were we going to end up in the final again, to finish dead level and to lose with a cliff-hanger once more? Who could say. The Sutton Club are a well-respected team but were lacking the advantage of a home game. The Wonderers on the other hand are riding the trough of a wave with a hardly-dented record of repeated losses.

The questions were very good indeed and since they were all conferred (it has been noted that conferring is Nick's specialism) there was no opportunity for individual glory and the playing field was levelled.

So, defying predictions, continuity and trampling tradition into the dust the Wonderers managed to scrape home by winning 4 of the 6 rounds by a narrow margin in a game that was most enjoyable, broken by sufficient beer breaks and lightened by much humour, overseen by a flexible but fair question master from The Baths.
Thankyou Sutton Club - it was a great game.

We're moving towards the end of the season now in which the Wonderers have thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of playing in the A League - next season we're back in the B League but maybe for just one season - if we continue to be promoted/relegated each year we'll be vey happy.

Castled and Rooked

Having rested the previous week, the Wonderers swaggered into The Castle looking refreshed , sporting a rather attractive blue tan from their action-filled journey from the Waters Green Tavern. Only about 50 yards but the howling wind and driving hail made every step an adventure.

Ah, The Castle - promoted to the A League with the Wonderers at the end of last season, and now precariously hanging onto their position one above the wonderers (i.e. next to bottom) despite having won three games. This was to be a game with no holds barred, no punches pulled, no quarter given. The Wonderers were at full strength with the added advantage of a groupie again (Nick's son Rah).

The tactics adopted were the same - allow The Castle a small advantage in the Specialist rounds confident of steaming ahead in the General Knowledge. This is a tried and tested formula that has consistently led to victory - for our opponents! And last night was no exception.

Final score was 156 to 115 with individual scores as follows:

Bob 15/12, Wendy 9/12, Nick 6/3 (pathetic - his son is looking for another team to support), Tomo 13/12.

Again good conferred points 12/11 (mainly thanks to Nick!) but little picked up from our opponents 2/3.

Ah well - the semi-final of the Plate next week - our more determined readers may recall that we began the season losing the Plate final on a tie-breaker setting a pattern that has been adhered to rigidly with just two lapses - consistent defeat with good humour and lots of beer.

The Castle is a wonderful old pub steeped in history, selling real ale (Theakston's) and with a very generous spper of hot meat pies.

A most enjoyable evening and for the most selfish of reasons we hope The Castle get relegated with us next season. Thankyou.

Duncan Steps In

As I've been away for a week, the news on the league has not been up-dated. Fortunately Duncan Disorderly the local minority sports writer was on hand to fill the gap.

By the way, an astonishing development - if you look at the Comments on the questions for 6th March (link on right) you will see that our obscure scribblings in this tiny corner of Cheshire were picked up by a scholar in Idaho who gently corrects an answer!!

WHERE DID IT ALL START TO GO RIGHT?!

A report on recent earth-shattering events by Macclesfield Minority Sports reporter Duncan Disorderly

Just when I thought that I had finally extricated myself from the purgatory of reporting the utterly predictable defeats of the Waters Green Wonderers, all hell seems to have broken loose. Following the defeat by the Dolphin I insisted on an interview with my Editor, R Supwards, and insisted on being reassigned from the Macclesfield Quiz League. I told him that I had covered the Wonderers for half the season and my penance had been duly served, and that I never meant to prang his bloody car in the first place. The going had been tough and I had completely lost the will to live.

After gloating a bit he took pity on me and got me off the case. I couldn’t tell you how relieved I was. In the intervening two weeks I covered the quarter-finals of the Macclesfield one-hand freestyle crochet championships and the preliminary rounds at the Pott Shrigley Noughts and Crosses Festival, both of them much more exciting than listening to the Waters Green Team muttering that they were alright really….. keeping a stiff upper lip….the experience was good for them…even enjoying it in a funny kind of way….when all the time they were devastated and making their packets of crisps soggy with their loser’s tears. I say packets of crisps because that’s all that Tracey and Brian will provide for them until they buck their ideas up.

So you can imagine the torment when I was summoned back to the office from a particularly exciting heat of the Upton Priory Shove-halfpenny Fest. “Grab your pen”, cried my frantic Editor, “the Wonderers have turned the corner”. His enthusiasm turned out to be a little premature. It was true that the Wonderers had won – they had beaten the Bath in the Plate (or was it the plate in the bath). I knew the Bath team well – at least the only one of them that turned up. This team used to be the Beehive, one of the Wonderers favourite opposing teams – many a good night spent in combat and all that - but they were so under-strength on the night it wasn’t true. One of the team had only popped into the pub to ask directions to Buxton, and the other was a passing Pork-Scratching salesman. But heigh-ho, a win is a win, and the team left the venue with something I hadn’t seen before – the smiles of winners. I was not convinced that the team had at last turned the corner and I turned up the following week fearing the worst. To save time I had already written the report – how their Plate win had been a complete fluke and they had been crushed by the second best team in the whole League. And then the unthinkable happened. They won! At the end of the match, both teams were reduced to a stunned silence for very different reasons, I had to rip up my notebook, sandwiches and pork pies replaced the bags of crisps, and the look of hope shone in the eyes of the beleaguered Wonderers.

All this, of course, was a slap in the face to Billy Prattlefaggit, who is currently putting together a rival team. He suddenly became a little quieter, particularly about the clandestine offer he had made to Tommo to poach him from the Wonderers. He had offered our rising young star as many Twiglets as he could eat and a guaranteed Saturday Night audience at the Hurdsfield Darby and Joan Club whenever Tommo felt the urge to do his magic tricks. I have heard on the grapevine that the other Waters Green players got wind of this illegal approach and had a meeting with Tommo to discuss the situation. It was made clear to him that if he as much as thought of jumping ship, Wendy would break his pencil, Bob would break his legs, and Nick would show him a magic trick involving a large disappearing cucumber.


Come the next week though, all was well. They were thrashed by the best in the land. They have reverted to type and I am stuck with reporting their antics again.
Still, Mark Watson does a brilliant job of e-mailing fixtures and results, so I am saved the arse-ache of doing all that. Mind you, I still think he should be concentrating on the current crime wave. One of my mates in the Pig and Ball Bearing was telling me about these two youths who were terrorising his neighbourhood. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other off.


Be brave and remember – if you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Duncan Disorderley

Lightning Does Strike Twice

Despite folkore, the Waters Green Tavern proved last week that lightning does strike the same place twice.

Not only did the Wonderers win their first League game of the season, but their sister team the Rams also won their game. both teams thereby breaking their duck.

This week the Wonderers returned to form in an enjoyable game against the Dolphin the final scores being 153 to the Wonderers' 106. Tomo was at a book-signing in London and could not play but Wendy's husband Ken stepped in and played a strong game, particularly in the conferred questions.

Individual scores were Ken -/6, Wendy 9/18, Nick 6/9 and Bob a worthy 15/15.
An enjoyable game with the usual excellent supper provided by the Tavern

Infamy, Infamy, They've All Got It ...

Not content with destroying the bookies' anticipated gains last week with an unexpected (highly improbable in fact!) win in the Plate competition the Wonderers rubbed salt in the wounds with another win this week.

Do tradition and history count for nothing?

Playing a strongly fancied team from the Principals (second in the League) the Wonderers looked in a very shaky position as they were unable to find a question-master and would have had to play with a team of three. Then at the last minute, due to the largesse of Stockport Council with their leave arrangements, Steve became available - a welcome return and a strong performance.

The Wonderers played their usual game - a fun evening with plenty of laughs and beer breaks, a tradition carried with Nick to the Questionmaster's chair.

Scores were Waters Green Wonderers 130, Principals 116.

Individual scores were bob 6/12, Wendy 12/6, Steve 9/15 and Tomo 21/15 - Tomo looks set to climb even higher in the top 10 scorers league.

Conferred points were 10/10 (good team work) and passed overs 10/4.

At the beginnning of the game the visitors asked if they could have the questions but had lost interest by the end - make your own mind up by clicking the questions link on the right.

Tradition Trampled Underfoot

In an astonishing reversal of fortunes, the Wonderers last night slithered through to a surprising victory in the Plate competition.

The Baths were badly hit by absentees from their regular team and had roped in some reserves, but were no doubt confident after studying the form of the Wonderers. Yet despite thrashing the visitors in one of the four rounds the Baths were not able to sustain the attack and the Wonderers were able to advance through to the next round. No doubt the appearance of two groupies for the visitors affected their performance.

It should be pointed out that the Baths are top of the C League and in fact have scored about the same number of points in the League as the Wonderers.

The Baths was very pleasant, with real ales and a fine supper provided. A very pleasant evening with lots of laughter and fun.

Thankyou - we look forward to playing you in the B League next season.

Half Way to Purgatory.- Duncan's Take

Well, the half way stage of the season has come and gone and still the Wonderers haven’t a point to show for their efforts. Last week’s display at the Dolphin reached an all time low when Bob got the question “what kind of animal is a Red Poll”. Misty-eyed he remembered the days when he would look at the farm entrance next to his sister’s house and see the sign “THE LONGDENDALE HERD OF PEDIGREE ATTESTED RED POLLS”. Imagine the poor man’s feelings when he was informed that it was a bleedin’ parrot. Things then went from bad to worse. Nick got a question in a round called “Name the Dead Person” or something – “A famous Lancashire contralto singer” etc. The answer should have been Kathleen Ferrier. What readers need to know is that Bob founded the Kathleen Ferrier Society. This is an international Society. This is the Society that runs the country’s main bursary competition for undergraduate singers. Bob is the CHAIRMAN of the Kathleen Ferrier Society. Nick answered Joan Sutherland, who was (a) not a contralto, (b) not from Lancashire, and (c) not even English, and (d) still alive for all I know. Bob met this slap in the face with typical Biggles fortitude. His bottom lip trembled slightly, and that was that. Nice to see that Nick came clean in his report.



Typical of the good soul that he is, Bob has not even mentioned it to the rest of the team.



Nick was suitably mortified and vanished to Wales for a winter break. I don’t blame him. I hate bad weather, and coming out once more to report another defeat is so wearying and not doing my professional career any good. Last time I sent a report in the gales were at their height. I left the house and went to the car only to be met by the farmer who lives nearby. He told me that it was so windy that one of his hens had laid the same egg three times. When I parked up in Waters Green I got out of the car and saw what I thought was a rubber glove quivering in the road. It was, in actual fact, a dog that had blown inside out. Anyway, Tuesday was no exception. They lost again. Tracy and Brian had gone on holiday, obviously to escape the humiliation of hosting the only two teams in the Macclesfield Quiz League without a point between them. They all did their best but nothing was coming across the table to them. No crumbs from the poor man’s table. The opposition was kind to the Wonderers and didn’t giggle too much. I hear that their captain, Mark, a leading light of the Quiz League organisers, is a law enforcement officer of some kind. Perhaps he should disband his team, hand all their points to the Waters Green Wonderers and tackle some of the crime I am hearing about at down at the Pig and Ball Bearing in Rainow.



I heard that thieves had actually broken into the Macclesfield POLICE STATION and stole the toilet seat! The police say that they have nothing to go on. Also, a gang of thieves were being sought for breaking into the pharmacy at Tytherington and stealing 48 bottles of California Syrup of Figs. Police are looking for three men on the run, and the public are advised not to ‘have-a-go’ unless they are wearing their wellies.



All this is so depressing.



Never mind, cheer up everybody and remember, space isn’t remote; It’s only an hours drive if you go straight up.



Duncan Disorderley

Home to the Ox-Fford

We had already disappointed the Ox-Fford by not thrashing the Dolphin last week thus enhancing the Ox-Fford's place in the League, so we knew this would not be an easy one.

However we were not concerned even when we obsrved that the Ox-Fford are third in the league table - with 2 games in hand.

We were not disabused - we remained steadfast in consistency and pulled off our usual performance - Specialist rounds we lost 72 to 57 and General Knowledge 88 to 69.

Individual scores were Bob 15/18 (PB!), Wendy 9/15 (Probably PB), Nick 9/6 (!!)and Tomo 30 - another great score.

Conferred/Passovers remained true to form with Specialist 10/2 and General Knowledge 8/4.

Questions generally highly thought-of although there was perhaps some inbalance in the difficulty. No scenes of high drama and a vey pleasant evening with lots of laughter.

I feel sure Duncan will have some authoratitative comments to make on our performance.

The Dolphin Away

Boosted by narrowly losing the Specialist rounds the previous week, we swaggered into the Dolphin already giving high fives to celebrate our victory. A cavalier glance at the individual results sheets gave us added confidence - they only have one in the top 2 scorers of the A League (1st actually) their next appearance being at no 7. Nothing to worry about there then! And the fact that they are leading the League just fired our ambition.

Moreover, Wendy was able to return to the team and we were sure her extensive knowledge of children's TV would secure victory. We were back to the normal team!!

There were moments of high excitement, not least when Nick was trying to remember the name of the superb English contralto born in Blackburn - he knew exactly the person required but the only name he could come up with was Joan Sutherland. This did not go down at all well with Bob who just happens to be secretary of the Kathleen Ferrier Society!!

The nature of a redpoll was also the cause of some controversy - is it a bird? Is it a cow? Extensive research discloses that red poll (2 words) is a breed of cattle but since the questions are oral that is not very clear.

One or two other questions generated discussion but the Wonderers prefer to stand aloof from such squabbles, particularly as they don't know the answer anyway.

To go into detail would be tedious but we were consistent, played well as a team, conferred well and were absolutely hammered. Score not available at the time of writing but see News And Views next week.

Our own scores were as follows:

Bob 15/12, Wendy 3/15, Nick 9/15 and Tomo 6/24 - it's some time since Tomo got less than 30 and he may get headhunted next season! We are happy to discuss a transfer fee but it is unlikely that any teams in any League could afford him. Conferred/Passed Over points Specialist rounds 3/2, General Knowledge 10/5 - these A teams don't give much away do they?

It was a very pleasant evening, lots of laughter, good sportsmanship, Robbies well-kept and their new acquisition Oldham Brewery beers that were on form. And samosas, kofta and chicken curry and rice was a very generous and well prepared supper afterwards - thankyou The Dolphin!!

Away To The Flag

The start of the second half of the season, and an away game at The British Flag, a Robinson’s house.
It was not an auspicious start – the reserve Tony had been asked to cover Wendy but the evening clashed with Nick’s retirement party and fears were voiced (not least by Nick) that he would be in no state to play. Then panic set in – by the time we were due to leave our home ground (where we had been having a tactics meeting) there was no sign of Tony. Nick’s son Sunil gallantly offered to play and Nick resigned himself to a game.

Just as we were leaving Tony arrived and was briefed on the situation – his face lit up and he said that suited him perfectly and he would stay in the Tavern and drink some excellent beer.

Then more anxiety when it seemed we were in danger of being inconsistent when at the half-way stage we were just 3 points behind after the Specialist questions – 47 to 44 – worried looks all round. Was this to be our first win?

We need not have worried, we were soundly beaten in the General Knowledge rounds 80 to 48 and we thus remain bloodied but unbowed with a clean sheet of no League points. Sunil was a little cautious and could have scored more but played exceptionally well with the conferred questions.

So, individual results:

Bob 12/3, Sunil 0/3, Nick 9/9 and Tomo 9/12.

Again we had a strong showing with conferred points (13/14) but managed to pick up only 8 (1/7) with pass-overs. The Flag keep a tight ship!! A very friendly and enjoyable encounter.

The General Knowledge questions in particular were generally thought to be unbalanced and perhaps a little too clever – will be interesting to see how they were marked by the other teams. And Robbies was not to the taste of the team especially Nick who had started at noon and narrowly failed to empty a barrel of Wild Swan in the home ground.

Duncan's Take - Ox-fford dons it's winners cloak

Billy recruiting for his quiz team

Well, it was nice while it lasted! Three weeks and not a defeat in sight, even though the main reason was that the Wonderers had no matches, their reputation as ace-question masters going before them as they played the part of supreme referees. Nick has provided all the statistics and a profile of the Ox-fford ringer, Ashley Tray, so there they stand, naked in all their under-achievement.



Billy Prattlefaggit rang me to say how disgusted he was, and has asked me to warn the WGW that he is currently putting together a team of over-eighties to usurp their place in the league. He assures me that once he has got a fourth man and a pub that has room for five zimmer frames, they will be having a few practice matches before asking the league to kick the Wonderers out and have his as yet un-named team take their place.

“This is an exciting venture for us” said Billy “we want to show these buggers what the old ‘uns can do. We have got some sponsorship money from the drop-in centre and this has bought us new glasses, and in one case a set of teeth. There is pride at stake here, and the first team we will challenge to a practice match is the Wonderers!

We can still cut it, even though my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.”



So hard times all round for the Wonderers, but at least they keep smiling. In between bouts of tearful self-pity they are currently partaking in a humorous ‘quiz’ to find as many film titles as possible punned from Welsh, Irish, Scottish and English geographical names. They can be towns, counties, regions or rivers. Here are some to be going on with. Constantly reading about failure can be very wearing and this may lighten your day. Please feel free to join in – your entries will be acknowledged in your own name in the final judging. Entries to Bob Langstaff at evenwood@talktalk.net .



Wales
Breakfast at Taffy’s



Scotland
The Glasgow Menagerie

Crocodile Dundee

Callender Girls

Crieff Encounter

Reach for the Skye

A fistful of Dollar



England
Far From The Reading Crowd

Sleepless in Settle

Ice Cold in Alnwick

Brighton Dock

The Merchant of Ventnor

Whose Afraid of Virginia Water?

Mobberley Dick

The Rainow Children

The Wizard of Osmotherley

Basing Saddles

Gunfight at the Oakham Corral

Look back in Ongar

Gone with the Mynd

Clun for Hire

Hooray for Hollinwood

Saturday Night and Sunbury Morning

Casino Royton

Dr. Knowsley

For Your Eye Only

Macc to the Future

Sergeant York



Rivers

The Magnificent Severn

Bridge on the River Wye

Ouse Life is it Anyway?

Ribble Without A Cause

Stour Wars

It’s A Wonderful Liffey

Tyne Bandits

An American Wear Wolf in London





Chin up Wonderers and remember, change is inevitable (except from vending machines)



Duncan Disorderley

23 January - Magnus R.I.P.

Refreshed after two weeks as question masters the Wonderers knew that playing on their home ground they would be able to maintain their consistent form.

They were not to be disappointed but it was a close call – the Ox-FFord C team had obviously heard of the Wonderers’ prowess and one of their team failed to show. In time-honoured fashion he was replaced with an ash tray (what will we do after July??) - ironically it was the eponymous Ashley Tray who got all their easy questions!

Nevertheless, it was a close call with the Wonderers managing to cling to their unbroken run of defeats with a respectable score of 129 to the Ox-Fford’s 139.

Individual scores were pretty good – Steve put in a guest appearance with a very creditable 27 (9/18), Tomo equalled his personal best with 30 (12/18), Bob put in his usual solid performance with 27 (12/15) and once again Nick showed he owes his place on the team to the blog with 15 (9/6).

Conferred points show good team work with 20 (11/9) and against a team as good as the Ox-Fford we were lucky to pick up 10 pass-overs (6/4).

The usual what-if comment – 5 wrong guesses would have given a dead heat if conferred, and 6 would have destroyed the Wonderers’ credibility as consistent losers.

Another most enjoyable evening, well done and thanks to the Ox Fford C team.

Duncan Bounces Back into 2007

Thanks Nick, for holding the fort and doing such a good article on the defeat by the Castle. I tried to do one but I was so depressed and let's face it, there are only so many words in the language and I couldn't find any fresh way of introducing another defeat. And I get so depressed at Christmas, which is a time of the year I really dislike. I hate that stupid Father Christmas idea. Last year I left him a salad and a note saying that he could afford to lose a bit of weight. I tried to be a bit more positive this time and I told 'er indoors that we were going traditional. No more frozen turkey. So I bought a real one, plucked it myself and stuffed it myself. She only had to kill it and put it in the oven. As if being in trouble over that wasn't enough, I think I upset Wendy from the quiz team. I was telling her how we should have the proper old-fashioned Christmasses back and she agreed and said she was going to make her own Christmas pudding. I suggested that she do what they used to do and drop a couple of threepenny bits in the pudding mix for good luck. It was then that she slapped my face and said that tradition or no tradition, her bra was staying firmly fastened. She hasn't spoken to me since. Christmas Day was even worse. My nephew, little Kevin, was in floods of tears. All he got was an empty box. His Dad told him it was an Action Man deserter.



Anyway, back to the quiz. I am upbeat again now that Christmas is over and happy to report that at last, I did not witness a defeat of the Waters Green Wondereres.

This is because they did not play.

Nevertheless, dedicated to the cause of minority sports as I am, I entered the Prince Albert (not in the biblical sense, you understand) to watch Bob Langstaff in his role as Question Master. He carried out this job with wit, wisdom, fortitude and forbearance. The competing teams were so pleased that they suggested the rest of the WGW team should have a whip round and buy him a huge present!



No Action Men please.



Here's to a win in 2007

Peas on earth and goodwill to you all"



Duncan

CASTLED!!!

Bloated from a month of resting from the quiz and two weeks of guzzling good food and wine, the Wonderers waddled into their home pub to face the mighty Castle with high hopes of breaching their defences and scoring our first victory in the A League.
It was a cliffhanger! At the end of the Specialist rounds, the Castle were just 2 ahead, at a beer break halfway through the General knowledge it was level pegging (i.e. the Wonderers were leading in the GK by 2 points). And at the end the Castle raised the drawbridge with a breathtaking win of 110 to 107. Well done the Castle - thanks for a great game.

The questions were fine and the balance good but there were no big scores with the exception of Tomo who scored what is probably a best-ever personal best - congratulations.

Scores were Bob 0/6, Wendy 9/12, Nick 9/0 and Tomo 15/15.

It is interesting that we picked up 30 points on conferred answers (10 +20) and managed to get 7 from pass-overs from the Castle.

As the scores were so close it would have taken just 2 of the wrong guesses to have won the match if they'd been conferred - 109 to 108. Phew!!

P.S.

Some dry-as-dust statistics to illustrate Duncan's penetrating analysis. Individual scores: Bob 9/18, Wendy 6/21, Tony 3/12 and Tomo -/24 - good scores by everyone and well done Tony standing in as reserve. Once agfain the team did very well with conferring, scoring 19 on the Specialist and 17 in the General Knowledge; pass-overs were few, 2 in the Specialist and 5 in the General Knowledge but we gave little away to the Dolphin who scored 14/15 on conferred and 6/6 passovers.
Congratulation on winning the General Knowledge round - pity I missed it!!

December 5th - Duncan's Report

WONDERERS HAVE NO BETTER LUCK WITH DOLPHINS THAN WALES.

Hello all.

A good news / bad news week for the Wonderers.

Well, not really - I lied about the good news, though they did win the General Knowledge round (again) before going down 136 to 161 to the Dolphin, a jolly bunch who enjoy a good quip whilst they are relentlessly hammering the opposition. Another bright moment was Wendy reaching the top ten individual chart. This will cheer her up no end. Wendy is often the life and soul of the team but recent results have made her a bit more introspective. Perhaps she is missing her book stall on Macclesfield market which she has recently relinquished. She kindly gave me one of her last remaining books "The Penguin Book of Quotations". I was overjoyed - I didn't even know penguins could speak!

Wendy is still having family trouble in Liverpool. Her cousin Billy lost his job as a window cleaner when his Black and Decker sander packed in. Wendy took him to his local for a drink to cheer him up and he won first prize in the raffle, which was nice. The first prize was a week's alibi.

Tomo did his best again with a magic trick in the interval, but even turning Bob into an ashtray failed to raise much of a smile. Bob's a bit despondent too at the moment. He recently wrote to a Lonely Hearts Club enclosing a photograph of himself. They wrote back to him saying thanks for the letter but they weren't THAT lonely! The redoubtable Tony Toft was standing in for Nick, who was doing his stuff in Vienna. The team miss Nick when he is away - they would follow him anywhere (out of morbid curiosity).

As for the quiz itself, there was an interesting round on alliteration. The team enjoyed it though some say such sophisticated speech sounds somewhat superficially supercilious. Not too many Welsh questions either.

Billy Prattlefaggit is still threatening to visit to "sort those tossers out". He sent me a grainy old photograph of his quiz team in action at the Limping Whippet, Higher Hurdsfield, in 1958. There was a notice on the wall behind the quiz team table saying.
SPECIAL MENU - AS MUCH AS YOU CAN KEEP DOWN FOR ONLY A SHILLING.

"It were a rough place", said Billy in his note. "They used to keep a pig on the bar as an air-freshener, but at least we knew the answers to the questions, not like those losers at t' Waters Green!"

Still concerned about the lack of tactical nous amongst the Wonderers I decided to ask the Landlady at the WGT what she thought. Most of what she said is unprintable, but she gave the impression that she was not impressed. "I should be on the ***** team myself, in fact I have been before now. I used to be on a quiz team at the airport - I used to work there push-starting jumbo jets - and we NEVER lost". I broached the subject of underhand tactics and she promised to come up with some ideas for next week.

So watch this space, and in the meantime, a win will do nicely.

The Wonderers didn't win, but Macclesfield DID!! Roll on Chelsea!

If Only We'd Had A Welsh Rugby-Playing Priest With A Passion For Heraldry and Asian Cars!

CUP SPECIAL! From Duncan Disorderly

WONDERERS SURRENDER WHITE FEATHERS TO PRINCE OF WALES

Hello all.

A touch of relief for the Wonderers from the relentless pressure of the A League was sadly not in evidence last night. There were lo-fives all round as they succumbed to the Prince of Wales (not in the biblical sense you understand). Even a recount proved a false dawn as it only meant that the loss was by three points instead of five. The Wonderers are progressing toward their ‘perfect season’ – no points at all.

Things began inauspiciously when the Wonderers had to do some impromptu furniture removing to find enough seats in the absolute crush. Protestations went unheard as the decibel level in the pub was as high as….as high as….as high as something that is very high. Added to this, nobody told the Wonderers that because the pub team was called the Prince of Wales, most of the questions would be about Wales. This was a Wales/Rugby Fest of massive proportions with some stupid car model names thrown in for good measure. “Never say Dai” should be the motto of future question setters!

Things took another turn for the worse when I was contacted by Billy Prattlefaggit (pictured here) whose temporary fame arising from my report last week has obviously gone to his nonagenarian head. He now seeks a place on the team as he thinks he can ‘do much better than those tossers”. I have tried to dissuade him by pointing out that he is probably too good for the Wonderers who, unlike him, have delusions of mediocrity, but he is nothing if not persistent, and has threatened to come and watch the next match.

The final insult came with the announcement that there were no post-match butties (probably because this is not a Welsh practise). Back in the safety of the Tavern I decided that it was time to do some raw head-on interviewing. First I tried to interview Wendy Brown, but she had gone home in a huff. Bob had gone home in his car. Most unlike Wendy but she has had a tough week. Wendy, as my regular readers will know, is from Liverpool, and there has been a spot of family bother recently. Her niece, Tracey was up before the magistrates with her boyfriend, Darren. They had both been found in flagrante underneath the fence at Becher’s Brook on the night before the Grand National earlier this year. The case was harrowing and the evidence embarrassing, but in the end the couple decided to plead guilty and asked for twenty seven other fences to be taken into consideration. Father Donald, from Darren’s local church remonstrated with him for his actions but Darren threw a bottle of disinfectant at the holy man, which resulted in his being fined for a bleach of the priest.

So I interviewed Nick Peck, alias “The Prince of Wails”. He was, understandably, unimpressed…

“I signed the effin’ petition to keep that effin’ pub open and I’m sorry I effin’ did now. You couldn’t hear yourself effin’ speak and I didn’t know that smoking was effin’ COMPULSORY in that effin’ place. And as for having no effin’ butties, well, I’m effin’ etc. etc.

Then I interviewed Tommo Cooper, who was much more philosophical about the whole thing. After checking that he was not, and had never been, a member of Plaid Cymru, he offered the following quote.

“It was OK, but I’m very, very hungry. Do you have any sandwiches about your person? Looking on the bright side we are still in the plate and plates are what I need. Cups I’ve got, but I broke two plates last week. Are you sure that’s not a sausage in your pocket?”

Clearly the Wonderers should sit down in a pub of their choice and ask themselves why they did not take the advice I offered last week. If they would have been in a proper frame of mind they would have claimed that having no butties after a competitive match was a breach of their Human Rights and should incur a four point penalty to the opposite team – that would have been it – job done! As it is, they can concentrate on the misery of the league.

As they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t put your eggs in one basket.

My advice is to keep trying, and remember, if all is not lost, then where is it?

Duncan

Duncan's Belated Report - and Some Sound Advice

WONDERERS FAIL ON A MATTER OF PRINCIPAL

Hello all.

Hard to improve on Nick’s excellent match report, but perhaps just a few words to ease the obvious tension which lies behind the matter-of-fact reporting.



No sign of a victory on the horizon yet but the Wonderers did have an A-League first. They WON the General Knowledge round. But there’s no denying that life in the top flight is slowly beginning to take its toll. Tomo was reduced to doing card tricks to cheer his team up. He’s a good lad even though he has troubles of his own. His one driving ambition, next to getting back into the B League, is to become the first magician to have his own show on the radio. Someone should tell him.


But it’s not all doom and gloom in the A League. The Wonderers had been told that it would be all a bit serious and anoraky and there was absolutely no fun or levity. Not True! Alan Levity was there himself, playing for the Principals! After the match I called the team to one side and gave them a little bit of advice. I know it’s probably not right and proper for an independent sports writer to try to help a struggling team but I told them that if they couldn’t beat the opposition by answering questions they should think of other ways of wearing them down.

I seriously advise trying to upset the other team in subtle ways that will put them off their stride and make them fluff their questions. For instance, one of the opposition team dropped his pen and quickly bent down to pick it up. Now to me, this is diving, and it is unforgivable. An appeal should be made to the question master and ten points deducted from that team’s total. Another of the guys took his sweater off. Again, that’s the same as a footballer ripping his shirt off to celebrate a goal, so another ten points should be deducted. Get wise Wonderers!

As these persistent defeats are getting a bit boring for an ace reporter I decided, by way of a diversion, to go in search of Macclesfield’s oldest quizzer. This turned out to be Billy Prattlefaggit of Higher Hurdsfield who is well into his 90s and claims that ICI had a quiz team back in the 1950s when they were just a small firm selling firewood off the Hurdsfield Estate. Billy sends the following goodwill message to all members of the Macclesfield Quiz League.

“Those were the days…. no crappy questions about SI units and State capitals. We used to get proper questions, like how many Boddington’s houses were there in Bollington and which bitch won best in show at Sutton Fair…. these days the buggers don’t know anything. I asked one of the quiz guys in the George and Dragon what a Royal Enfield was and he said it was where the Queen kept her chickens. Well, never mind, the old days won’t come back. I’m very old now. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia, poor circulation and I can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92 and I’ve lost all my friends.

But thank God I still have my driver's license.”

Thanks for sharing that with us Billy.

So come on Wonderers. Start thinking or you’ll be as old as Billy before you win your next match. In the meantime, in case you get a round on medical terminology, here is some handy stuff to bone up on. So no excuses for the next league match!

Duncan.

ARTERY The study of paintings
BACTERIA Back door of a cafeteria
BARIUM What doctors do when patients die
CAUTERISE Made eye contact with her
COMA A punctuation mark
CEASARIAN SECTION A neighbourhood in Rome
DILATE You live longer
ENEMA Not a friend
FESTER Quicken
FIBULA A small lie
GENITAL Not a Jew
IMPOTENT Distinguished, well known
LABOUR PAIN Getting hurt at work
MEDICAL STAFF Doctor's walking stick
MORBID A higher offer
NITRATE Cheaper than day rates
NODE Was aware of
OUT PATIENT A person who has fainted
PAP SMEAR A fatherhood test
PELVIS A cousin of Elvis
RECOVERY ROOM Place to do upholstery
SECRETION Hiding something
SEIZURE Roman Emperor
TERMINAL ILLNESS Getting sick at the airport
TUMOUR More than one
URINE Opposite of 'you're out'
VARICOSE Nearby
VEIN Conceited

Tuesday 21st November

We began the evening on a high note when we discovered we were not bottom of the League; however a sobering note crept in when we noticed that the one team below us still has two games in hand.

Even so, we have been studying form with Macclesfield Town Football Club ("Lose some, draw some") and the game was an exercise in containment - for the first time our opponents failed to get over 170 points.

Striding purposefully towards our goal of being the best losers in the A League we ended losing the game 134 to 111. The questions were not very well thought of (see the link at right) but it was a friendly atmosphere with some humour and good butties.

Individual scores were Bob 6/15, Wendy 3/18, Nick 9/15 and Tomo 6/6 but an analysis of the figures shows we do play well as a team. In the Specialist rounds, we scored 7 on conferred questions and a wretched 4 on passed over; the Principals picked up 8 and 9 respectively. On General Knowledge, we got 13 conferred and 9 passed over whilst the Principals mustered 14 and 10 - not much in it at all and illustrating that we play very well as a team knowing when to confer and giving very little to our opponents. Many of those we passed over were done very quickly without an answer, depriving the other team of time to think. And best of all, we won the General Knowledge round!

We were hardly distracted by the manchester United v Celtic game on TV but are pleased to report that on the same night Macc Town FC won their first game of the season beating top of the league Walsall and moving on to the next round of the Cup.

No doubt our sports reporter Duncan Disorderly will bring his penetrating gaze to the game and results with his usual touch of levity.

Correction

A slight error gave a misleading picture of the magnitude of our defeat last Tuesday - we actually scored 130 not 146.
Well done the Ox-Fford - we'll be back!

NO BULL AS THE OX-FFORD FFINISH OFFF FFIGHTING WONDERERS.

Last night's game as seen by Independent Macclesfield Minor Sports reporter Duncan Disorderly

By the end of the first specialist round I noticed that the Ox-fford were looking a bit sick as the Waters Green Wonderers had built a lead – of one. Then it turned out that the looks on their faces was caused by the fact that this is a Jennings pub. Jennings is that Lakeland beer with more bloody hops in it than a bucket of frogs. So I settled down with my John Smith’s shandy and concentrated on what was a good set of questions, put well and with good humour by Alan Hodgson. (I know it’s early in the season but are the questions getting better?). There was humour in the questions too, one of them asking them what the nickname of bomber Richard Reid was, and another asking who the Home Secretary was, adding a note that they were not related.

My reporting instinct to the fore, I took the opportunity to ask Alan Hodgson about his recent record-breaking achievement in scoring the first maximum 60 points individual score in the Macclesfield Quiz League. At least I think it is a record. I have been in the Macclesfield Quiz League now for twenty years (I am still searching for a life) and I cannot remember this feat ever having been achieved. Are there any players who have played (continuously) for even longer?

Modest as ever, Alan insisted that a free pint from all members of the opposition teams throughout the season would be an adequate tribute. The answer he got from the Ox-fford involved too much sex and travel to include here.

As a responsible and highly-unpaid journalist I have been doing some research into the nature of quiz questions. Starting at the most simple form, I boned up on what some well-known people said when asked why the chicken crossed the road –

Darwin:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Sigmund Freud:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
As an expression of the repressed desire to have sex with its mother. The road symbolises the barrier presented by the cultural taboo.
Jeffrey Archer: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Stevie Wonder:Chicken, what chicken?

Anyway, back to the quiz. Early optimism was ill-founded as it was just about all over by the end of the specialists. These A League wallahs never send anything our way – only 8 passed-over points for the Wonderers all evening - miserable gits.


Duncan’s Digest:

Score: Ox-fford 179 WG Wonderers 146
Marks for Questions: Specialist 4 and 4: General Knowledge 3 and 4
Highlight: A really well thought out and enjoyable “Round with a Bite.”
Lowlight: A question asking what bit of the huge British Empire was
coloured pink and green on the map. This was not British
Beer: See Above.
Refreshments Good
Parking Iffy

Here is a question to keep you all going until my next gripping report.

Which football player of the 1980s, who played for ten clubs, including Everton, Leeds, Newcastle, both Sheffield clubs, and Manchester City, had a brother who was one of the most well-known Hollywood film stars ever?

Well done to the ffin Ox-fford!

That’s all for now and remember, if you want peace and quiet, get a phoneless cord.

Duncan

14th November

Restored to full strength with Bob's return we strode purposefully to another crushing defeat, this time at the Ox-fford, losing by 179 to 146. Nevertheless it was a very pleasant evening with good questions chaired with good grace and humour by Alan (Mr 60) Hodgson.
Individual scores Bob 9/21, Wendy 9/18, Nick 15/6 and Tomo 15/9.
The B League beckons and we've only played 3 games!

7 November

On Tuesday we played host to The Dolphin, a long-standing A League team.

We managed to pluck Steve from his premature retirement to replace Bob who was winkling at the Wincle Women's Institute.

Whilst we were beaten quite heavily, we nevertheless played well as a team giving away very little.

Our minor sports writer Duncan was not in attendance, but no doubt that will not prevent him from producing a nail-biting account of the duel from perhaps a lightly partisan angle.

Final score 174/121, Steve 15/9,Wendy 9/9, Nick 6/15 and Tomo 9/15

A most enjoyable evening against a good-humoured team with excellent refreshments provided by Tracey.

Duncan's Hallowe'en View

HOLLOW ‘EEN FOR WONDERERS AS FLAGS FLY

Tuesday Night's game as seen by Independent Macclesfield Minor Sports reporter Duncan Disorderly

Several tricks but no treats for the luckless Waters Green Wonderers at home to the British Flag. At the end of the Specialist questions it was hard to know ‘witch’ team would win as they were only two points in it and what with no previous A-League experience for the Wonderers, things were looking good! Tension was in the air and it wasn’t just the Chelsea-Barcelona match being watched by everyone else in the hostelry.

Sad to say the Wonderers, for all their fearsome reputation for catching up in the general knowledge, ‘corpsed’ by the end. Questions coming back across the tables for the A-league rookies were as rare as rocking horse droppings. A good quiz though, with the HUGE combined score (171-146) showed that it was a) enjoyable for everyone, b) had good question setters and c) good question vetters. Well done to the question master, Ozzy Mandias.

Frankly, I worry about the Waters Green Wonderers. For a bunch of people who are supposed to be very knowledgeable on all sorts of things, this particular reporter would like to know why, on the 31st October, with arctic weather closing in over Macclesfield, two of them turned up in T-shirts. One member, Wendy, admitted that the temperature gauge on her broomstick, parked outside, was reading 3 degrees, and I’m not talking iffy pop groups!

Still, you can’t have everything – you’d have nowhere to put it.

Congratulations to the British Flag (bastards).

October 31st

The first quiz of the new season was a very pleasant affair against the British Flag, with the questions asked by the secretary of the League Mark - he did a great job both in setting the qestions and running the quiz.
Sadly we lost the game by 171 to 146 but it was most enjoyable and there was a fine spread afterwards to go with the consolatory beer.
You will see link on the right to the questions.

Here is a contribution from our quiz league reporter, Duncan Disorderly..

GEORGE AND DRAGON SLAY WONDERERS IN NAIL-BITING FINALE

Last Night's game as seen by Independent Macclesfield Minor Sports reporter Duncan Disorderly

Tension was in the air at "The Weavers" last night. Hundreds of eyes were sharply focussed on the teams and the collective breath was held to breaking point. Then Man United scored and all was well.

Also being held at the pub was the Macclesfield Quiz League Plate Final between the George and Dragon Higher Hurdsfield and the redoubtable Waters Green Wonderers.

The Wonderers had not had their promised 12 rehearsal matches during the close season and it showed. Nick was a bit down having received news only on the night that the St. Dunstan, Langley, was no longer a quiz venue. For reasons best known (and kept) to himself, this has affected him greatly. Nevertheless he did a sterling job in whipping the team together. The team will follow Nick anywhere (out of morbid curiosity). Steve and Bob, ever the heroes, had risen from their sick beds to be there. Tomo sat on the bench in case of injuries.

I asked Bob in a pre-match interview if he had done any cramming since last season and he admitted that he hadn't. I decided to put him to the test and asked him a very basic Macclesfield Quiz League question. I feared the worst when he said he thought that Wat Tyler was a bathroom design magazine. Wendy and Ken have been busy adding to their tally of grandchildren, and as the count will soon be four, they are already planning an extra team for the WGT - the Waters Green Waifs, who expect to make their debut in the 2012 season. Wendy is soon to give up the renowned Macclesfield book emporium Readem and Weep, and is selling some of her stock. Some are specialist items and include three of the slimmest volumes ever written - The Penguin Book Of Italian War Heroes; a book of Swedish virgins, and the Handbook of Manchester City trophies since 1970.

In the quiz itself, the Wonderers were not helped by Wendy wearing a veil, presumably as a measure of female solidarity. Rick Davies couldn't hear her answers properly and she had to remove it. In his own kind way, Nick pointed out that the veils over which there was so much fuss were big black things - Wendy had got it wrong and was wearing the one she wore at her wedding.

The match was touch-and-go, nip-and-tuck, here-and-there, warp-and-weft throughout and eventually came to a tie-breaker. Fate struck a cruel blow when, just as the team were trying to work out how many runs had been scored in the Ashes test series, news came through that Stockport had beaten Macclesfield in the Tin of Paint Trophy and this news really put the team off its stride, so naturally we lost. The George and Dragon took their moment of glory before disappearing into the relative obscurity of the B League.

Waters Green Wonderers enter the A League with their heads held low - fearing the worst but hoping for the best. We will have the best beer in the Borough to support us through what may be a long campaign.

Duncan

The Final

What a nail-biting start to the season last night's Plate final was. The George & Dragon sped to a quick lead but the Wonderers fought back and it was then neck and neck to the final question. And the final ended in a dead heat!!

The tie-breaker was "How many runs were scored in total in the last Test series, both sides together?". The Wonderers felt the scoring had been low and went for 3,400, the George & Dragon obviously had better memories of the series and went for 6,200. The answer was 5,700 so the George & Dragon took the title.

A great game, good atmosphere, the balance of questions was fine and the question master Rick Davies did a good job.

In two weeks the League starts. The first time in the A League for the present team (Bob has played in the A league with different team-mates). Not sure we could take the pressure if all the games are like last night's!

At Last We Have A Date

The final of the Plate will take place on 17th October - the Waters Green Wonderers (us!!) and the George & Dragon. The league proper will start about 2 weeks later i.e. 31st October.
Sadly it is at The Weavers, a very smoky pub with no real ales. Hey Ho!!

THE BALLAD OF COWHEEL LOU

The following was recited by Bob at the Celebration party in July:

THE BALLAD OF COWHEEL LOU byMike Harding

North Of Oldham South of Diggle there lies a town called Mumps Where the tripe mines stand just by the washhouse wall
And in that deserted town where the shacks are tumbling down You can hear the scabby moggies lonesome call

Years ago this town was booming when the tripe rush days were on And the miners they rolled in from far and near
In the 'Sweaty Clog' saloon they were supping night and noon Sarsaparilla, liquorice juice and privet beer.

Now she was a good time dancing gal, any tripe miners pal For a bottle of Brasso she'd love you all night through
She was rough and she was tough, she wore no vest and took black snuff And was known to all the lads as Cowheel Lou.

Now Lou had one special man, his name was Dangerous Albert He sucked Fiery Jack and camphorated oil
He wore barbed wire combinations and slept rough on Oldham station And Wimpy used his dandruff for hardcore.

Now one stormy night in Mumps when the rain came down in lumps And the wind blew empty tins off Saddleworth Moor
In the 'Sweaty Clog' saloon the pianola played a tune And Lou was sewing mudflaps on her drawers.

While a gang of tripe prospectors and a couple of tram inspectorsWere gambling all their pay on snakes and ladders
While a pair of Huddersfield tramps were supping the oil from the lamps And Albert was trying to kickstart the pianola.

Well, the doors busted open wide and a stranger come inside It was Spotty Bum McGrew the lame evangelist
He was an hop-along bible thumper, he kept a white rat up his jumper And in his hand he held a tambourine.

He said " I'm looking for a man as how they call him Dangerous Albert I've heard as how he's known around this part."
Well the pianola stopped its tune and a hush came on the room So quiet you could hear a cockroach fart.

Said the stranger, "Me and Al, we were buddies he was my pal In the salvation army band we both did play
'til one night we went on booze, he ripped up me shirt and widdled in my shoes He blew his nose on me vest and smashed me tambourine!"

Then Albert caught his eye and the stranger gave a cry And leapt upon the bar with a scream of rage
Then Albert gave a shout and whipped his weapon out And in his hand he held a tambourine

Now tales have been told of what took place that night The fiercest fight that Mumps has ever seen
How Spotty Bum McGrew and the lover of Cowheel Lou Fought to the very death, each with their tambourine.

All night long they did do battle and their tambourines did rattle Spotty Bum's teeth went flying in the grime
They knocked off Albert's hat and hit the landlords cat And stopped to suck a lemon at half time.
Now the second half got dirty as they were both feeling a bit shirty Spotty Bum hit Albert with his rubber leg
Cowheel Lou could stand no more, she picked up pianola from floor Chucked it and killed them both stone dead.

Now north of Oldham south of Diggle, there's a broken hearted gal Who tends the grave so cold and so bare
For at Clog Hill above the valley where the wind howls night and day Spotty Bum and dangerous Albert are buried there.

So if you go 'cross Saddleworth Moor where the wind whips up from Diggle And you think you hear thunder in the east
Its not thunder 'cross those hillocks it's the ghost of those two pillocksKnocking buggery out of each other with their tambourines.